Part 1: From Numb to Awakened Love!

This is Part 1 of 5.

Hey friend! It’s been a while, so grab your favorite drink, pull up a chair at our cozy table by the window in the Worthy Blog Cafe, and let’s catch up. I’ve got some things on my heart and a journey I want to share with you. This kicks off a 5-part series where I’ll walk you through what God has been doing in me, through me, and around me. I pray it encourages you, strengthens you, and reminds you that you are never walking alone. Let’s dive in together.

Have you ever gotten to a place in life where you just feel… numb?

In August 2025, I had a dream that showed me exactly where I was. In the dream, I was sitting on a tree stump, and these black bugs were eating away at one of my legs. Gross, right? I remember looking down and thinking, they’ll go away and my leg will heal. But after a while, I checked again, and this time the bugs had eaten so deep that I could see the muscle in my leg. And the strange thing? I didn’t even care.

That dream was dramatic and kind of disgusting, but it was a wake-up call. God was showing me that in real life, I had become numb. Day after day, I was just going through the motions, nothing really touching me. Maybe you’ve been there too.

After that dream, I had to do a heart check with God. Was my heart growing sick with hope deferred again? No, but God gave me another picture. He showed me the image of a dentist. You know how they make your mouth numb so they can get to the root of the problem? The numbness isn’t forever, it’s necessary so healing can take place. Once the dentist finishes the root work, the numbness fades and you can feel again.

That’s what God was doing with me.

In July 2025, stress and exhaustion hit me so hard that I had a panic attack one morning, right there on my kitchen floor. That stress led to numbness. The root issue? Striving. I was striving in ministry, striving in relationships, striving in “all the ships.” And it left me empty.

But God reminded me of the word He gave me for this year: love. Love doesn’t strive. Love doesn’t push or perform for acceptance. Love rests. Love receives.

One night I felt led to pull out my old Amplified Bible. I set it on my desk, went to do dishes, and put on worship music. When I came back to my room, the Holy Spirit hit me like a fresh wind. Tears started falling before I even knew why. I picked up that Bible, opened it, and the words on the page spoke like prophecy over my life. God whispered: Awaken love.

I didn’t know how to do that at first. But then I remembered something I’d read years ago: when you love someone, you call their name. So I started calling on Jesus “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” and His presence rushed in. My heart went from numb to light, like I was floating in His peace.

Since then, God has been healing deep heart issues I’ve carried for years. Strife no longer has a grip. When it tries to creep back in, I let it go. Love is teaching me to stop striving, to stop chasing, and instead to rest in the truth that Jesus is the One pursuing me.

And that’s where the lesson about pursuing without striving comes in. For so long, I thought I had to chase everything, opportunities, people, love, acceptance to get what I wanted. But God showed me that’s not how His Kingdom works. Pursuing in alignment with Him is different from striving out of fear or insecurity. Pursuing is taking action, showing up, opening doors, stepping into opportunities, but leaving the outcome in God’s hands.

The Bible illustrates this beautifully in Song of Songs 2:10-13: the lover calls, the beloved responds. There’s desire, there’s pursuit, but it’s mutual and God given. You don’t have to twist arms or beg for love, favor, or blessing. You step into the opportunities He places in front of you, and He opens the doors.

In my life, this looks like showing up for what God has called me to, spending time in His Word, worship, prayer, ministry, but not straining to force results. I pursue faithfulness, love, and Kingdom purpose, and God orchestrates the response. Action without anxiety, steps without striving, pursuit with rest in Him.

I’m sharing this because I know I’m not the only one who has felt numb. Maybe you’re there right now. But Kingdom friend, there’s healing on the other side of it.

Song of Songs 2:10-13 AMP

“My beloved speaks and says to me,

‘Arise, my love, my fair one,

And come away.

¹¹ 

‘For behold, the winter is past,

The rain is over and gone.

¹² 

‘The flowers appear on the earth once again;

The time for singing has come,

And the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.

¹³ 

‘The fig tree has budded and ripens her figs,

And the vines are in blossom and give forth their fragrance.

Arise, my love, my fair one,

And come away [to climb the rocky steps of the hillside].’”

Check out Part 2: The Worthy Cafe Table: Returning To My Roots

https://www.shiftworthyministries.com/post/part-2-the-worthy-cafe-table-returning-to-my-roots