Suffering Heart Of Jesus

It was a Friday afternoon. I stood up from my computer, surrounded by boxes, friends, and chaos. I broke down in tears, unsure if I could make it through the rest of the day. I had suppressed everything inside for too long, and it all caught up with me. One of my friends came over, hugged me, and cried with me. Another hugged me and said she could feel my heart beating out of my chest. Yet another stood there and cried with me.

I hadn’t planned on breaking down in front of people, but it led me to a painfully beautiful week of experiencing the suffering heart of Jesus.

Simon of Cyrene didn’t plan to carry Jesus’ cross. He was just walking the streets of Jerusalem, unaware that a detour awaited him. As Jesus carried His cross, He reached a point where He couldn’t go any farther. He was exhausted. The soldiers ordered Simon to carry the cross. Though the cross was a symbol of shame and Simon had committed no crime, he had no idea he was helping ease the pain of Jesus.

Simon picked up the cross, which was smeared with Jesus’ blood. This very blood forgives us, washes away our sins, and heals us. 

Simon might not have known it, but he was invited to experience the suffering of Jesus. He carried the weight of Jesus' burden for the world, and what an honor that was.

As our love for Jesus grows deep, we want to feel what He feels. Suffering is a part of it; we can’t take the cross away. Lovers of Jesus will suffer in this world; He promised that we would. When you are hurting, run to Jesus and find Him in your pain.

After my breakdown, I entered the weekend feeling empty. My heart was hurt, and I was depleted. I ran to Jesus, but felt nothing, which hurt my heart even more.

Even when we don’t feel Jesus, He is doing something. That week, He brought me into a deep place of rest and surrender. It was the most painful and beautiful experience I’ve ever had.

One night, I cried out to Him, thanking Him for His beautiful blood that He shed on the cross. He told me that the pain I was feeling is how He feels when I don’t spend time with Him or come to Him in my need. It broke my heart. I cried and even started praying for Jesus. That week was an invitation from Jesus to enter into His suffering heart. In that moment of thanking Him for His blood, I was healed of that hurt, and I haven’t felt it since.

If you are experiencing any kind of suffering and can’t seem to get close to Jesus, perhaps He is sharing His suffering heart with you. It’s a beautifully painful experience. As you go through it, keep clinging to the cross with joy. Don’t feel like you are forced to carry the cross; instead, run as fast as you can to it. That’s where Jesus is. You will find Him in every life that carries a cross for Him.

Bridal love says, "If Jesus is suffering in His heart, I want to feel the same. If He is grieving, let me grieve. It’s Him I want and nothing else."